This post was written for Friday Fictioneers based on the following prompt:
Leon took a long drag from his cigarette before dropping the butt in the grass and stamping it out. Sighing, he ran his hands through his hair and went back inside the building.
He approached the man tied to the chair from behind, his footfalls echoing through the deserted workshop. “We’re going to try this one more time, Jimmy.”
He knelt before Jimmy and looked him square in the eyes. “Should your answer be less than satisfactory, things will, unfortunately, get a bit messier than either of us would like.”
Leon took a deep, calming breath. “Where’s the money, Jimmy?”
January 29th, 2014 at 9:32 AM
Oh….I like this photo prompt. Interesting.
Sounds like Jimmy might be in over his head.
January 29th, 2014 at 9:34 AM
Sounds like Jimmy may not have a head soon if he doesn’t start answering the questions.
January 29th, 2014 at 11:24 AM
Well I hope he has the answers.
January 29th, 2014 at 10:44 AM
Looks like things are going to get messy.
January 29th, 2014 at 8:17 PM
There is a very good chance that Leon will need to phone “the cleaners” before he leaves that warehouse.
January 29th, 2014 at 11:06 AM
What??? No threats about zombies eating him alive or other “things” of that ilk? Who are you really and what did you do with Adam? 🙂
janet
January 29th, 2014 at 8:19 PM
I must go where the photo takes me, and to be honest, I’m kind of digging this story. It may eventually get turned into something longer. Surprising as it may seem, occasionally there isn’t a single thing that goes bump in the the night in my stories. Usually there is, but this is one of those rare occurrences where there isn’t.
January 29th, 2014 at 11:08 AM
sounds like jimmy’s dead either way. great take on the prompt, a deserted workshop is a good place to torture someone.
January 29th, 2014 at 8:20 PM
You’re probably right. Though, talking might save some people he cares about in the end.
January 29th, 2014 at 11:13 AM
And the rest was a painful path to a new home in wet concrete I assume.
January 29th, 2014 at 8:21 PM
I would assume the same. Poor fool should have known better than to take the money.
January 29th, 2014 at 11:53 AM
So menacing, and very well written. I wouldn’t want to be Jimmy….
January 29th, 2014 at 8:23 PM
Thanks, Sandra. I wouldn’t want to be Leon. He’s about to get Jimmy blood on his perfectly polished shoes. Though I don’t imagine being Jimmy would be a picnic either.
January 29th, 2014 at 12:39 PM
I loved the build up, I can see it getting messy 😉
January 29th, 2014 at 8:24 PM
No doubt about that. It’ll get messy whether he talks or not. He doesn’t have to be told that though. I’m sure he’s already well aware of that fact.
January 29th, 2014 at 1:01 PM
Adam I particularly like this take on the prompt. The carefree pace of his smoke break matched the hazy image of the shop. Then the true work at hand echoed the danger of the machinery in the shop. Messy indeed.
January 29th, 2014 at 8:25 PM
Thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed it. It took quite awhile to whittle it down to 100 words and keep the feel I was going for at the same time.
January 29th, 2014 at 1:07 PM
About time for Jimmy to re-evaluate the worth of that money-ominous ending in play here, Adam.
January 29th, 2014 at 8:26 PM
The real question is how much does Jimmy value the lives of the people he loves who may or may not know where the money is stashed. Leon will no doubt go after them next if Jimmy doesn’t start talking.
January 29th, 2014 at 2:36 PM
i can see that as a place to work a hostage over. Excellent build up.
January 29th, 2014 at 8:29 PM
Thanks. At first this photo brought no ideas. I went back to it awhile later, and the image of Leon beating some info out of Jimmy was the first thing that popped into my head.
January 29th, 2014 at 9:00 PM
That was the same with me. Nothing came then mine was born.
January 29th, 2014 at 2:47 PM
Just give them the damn money, Jimmy!
January 29th, 2014 at 8:31 PM
It won’t matter in the end. Jimmy is already marked for death. The second he took the money it was over for him.
January 29th, 2014 at 3:37 PM
Ooh, I think things are going to get dicey! This looks the kind of place where “accidents” happen.
January 29th, 2014 at 8:34 PM
“Accidents” always seem to happen in places like this. I wonder why that is… 🙂
January 29th, 2014 at 11:39 PM
Hah! I’d laugh at some guy named “Leon” trying to muscle me. (Not really. I’ve been bullied by 8 year olds named Leona. I hope she’s not waiting in the wings to kick the crap out of Jimmy.)
January 31st, 2014 at 8:29 PM
Perhaps Leona is Leon’s little sister, learning the family business and whatnot.
January 30th, 2014 at 3:06 AM
Sounds like Leon is getting tired of this - could be Jimmy’s last chance. I liked the build up in this.
Nice of Leon to observe the “No Smoking” sign 🙂
January 31st, 2014 at 8:30 PM
I think he observed it more out of the fact that he didn’t want to burn the place down (because he likes using it for matters of this nature) more than to follow the rules.
January 30th, 2014 at 5:01 AM
Dear Adam,
Not a job interview by any stretch is it? Things don’t look good for Jimmy. Good in-your-face-visual story. .
Shalom,
Rochelle
January 31st, 2014 at 8:31 PM
If it’s a job interview, it’s for a job I have no desire to land.
January 30th, 2014 at 1:41 PM
Excellent piece! Could be read as film noir or as James Bond-esque spy thriller!
I’m not writing this week, but I’d love it if you’d drop by my blog for a second anyway, I posted a big announcement today
January 31st, 2014 at 8:31 PM
Thanks!
I checked out you announcement. That’s great! Congrats.
January 30th, 2014 at 2:23 PM
Oy! I love the way you started this out with the smoking. It draws you right in.
January 31st, 2014 at 8:32 PM
Thanks, Linda. Glad you enjoyed it.
January 30th, 2014 at 2:25 PM
I do hope there is sawdust on the floor to catch all the blood. Really good story.
January 31st, 2014 at 8:33 PM
Plenty of sawdust. That’s why he’s smoking outside. If’d he’d burned the place to the ground it would have become much less useful.
January 30th, 2014 at 3:21 PM
Interesting piece. It was good, but I would rather not imagine what happened next.
January 31st, 2014 at 8:34 PM
That’s where we differ. I think I might write what comes next just because I’m very curious where this all leads.
January 30th, 2014 at 4:07 PM
Very interesting take on the prompt 🙂 Jimmy should start answering lol
January 31st, 2014 at 8:34 PM
He should, but he probably won’t.
January 30th, 2014 at 5:01 PM
Just the facts Jimmy. Just the facts.
DJ
January 31st, 2014 at 8:35 PM
Maybe facts wrapped in lies, served in an enigma. Just to see Leon squirm and lose his cool.
January 30th, 2014 at 6:14 PM
Sounds like a deal gone wrong.
January 31st, 2014 at 8:37 PM
Jimmy done been bad. Poor Leon doesn’t want to be the bad guy, but Jimmy isn’t giving him much choice.
January 30th, 2014 at 7:49 PM
The hook is there but the story has no ending. I see this as more of a tease than a complete story. On the other hand, it is a very good tease.
All my best,
MG
January 31st, 2014 at 8:38 PM
Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. I may be wrong, but I’ll count a good tease as a win.
January 31st, 2014 at 9:43 PM
Works for me. 😉
January 30th, 2014 at 8:02 PM
I’m cringing in anticipation…
January 31st, 2014 at 8:38 PM
You would be right to do just that. It does’t look like Jimmy is going to be talking.
January 31st, 2014 at 3:58 AM
Do you write screenplays for TV? This is great! Thanks for the read. Poor Jimmy.
January 31st, 2014 at 8:40 PM
I wish I could. I would love to write a screenplay, but I don’t know the first thing about it so I’ve never actually tried.
January 31st, 2014 at 8:10 AM
Ah,its all about money-Jimmy better speak up-things don’t look good for him!:-)Wonderfully tense and unexpected take on the prompt Adam-loved it:-)
January 31st, 2014 at 8:42 PM
Jimmy isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. I don’t think he’ll be confessing to anything. Although, perhaps that makes him smarter than if he were to confess.
February 1st, 2014 at 6:27 AM
So he is smart-in a different way? 😉
January 31st, 2014 at 10:12 AM
I love how he respected the No Smoking sign! That’s a great, disarming moment which makes the impact of the story deeper. Great job.
Here’s mine (perhaps after he finished with Jimmy?): https://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/family-ties/
January 31st, 2014 at 8:42 PM
It was more about not burning the building down than respecting the sign. Sawdust and cigarettes are a terrible combination.
January 31st, 2014 at 5:44 PM
Your story reminded me of the old stories where the bad guys tied people to logs and fed them into a buzz saw. Where’s Dudley DoRight when you need him?
January 31st, 2014 at 8:46 PM
That’s a good idea. Leon might have to use that.
January 31st, 2014 at 7:56 PM
Hi Adam thanks for the like on my first attempt at Friday Fictioneers!
My favorite part of this was the running the fingers through hair and that you didn’t say greasy hair or blood stained fingers but that’s the visual I got. Awesome!
January 31st, 2014 at 8:48 PM
Welcome to the club. Always nice to see some new faces joining in.
January 31st, 2014 at 11:49 PM
Good stuff here Adam! I love that Leon goes outside to smoke, following the rules, but is there to terrorize someone. Brilliant! The pacing and scene are fantastic. Bravo!
February 1st, 2014 at 6:53 AM
Trying to butter me up so I’ll vote for your story? Do go on. 🙂
February 1st, 2014 at 9:45 AM
Well, that logic would make sense, only IF I didn’t read your story every week and always encourage you, and tell you that I like your writing… and say nice things about you constantly to all my friends, and… See, I use guilt, not butter. 😉 (All joking aside, yes: vote for my story, and no: I keep the two separate… now, please go vote) Your story here, really is great this week!
February 1st, 2014 at 10:26 AM
You mean you don’t tell you friends nice things about me all the time? Dang.
February 1st, 2014 at 10:39 AM
My point: I do ALL of those things ALL of the times, darlin’. So tell ALL your friends to vote for me. 😉 This week, the editors over at TL encouraged all of the writers to solicit votes from friends, family and readers… So, technically, I’m soliciting you. wink wink nod nod
February 1st, 2014 at 8:43 AM
Nice, mate! Especially the “unwritten” sense of workshop!
That’s what I’m looking for this week with such a descriptive picture : a spin off the theme.
Got your Like! 😉 Tay.
February 1st, 2014 at 11:47 AM
Thanks, Tay. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
February 1st, 2014 at 9:18 AM
Uh-oh. Jimmy had better speak up, and soon. Good job!
February 1st, 2014 at 12:03 PM
I don’t think it’ll matter in the end.
February 1st, 2014 at 9:25 AM
Adam, I like the scene you’ve constructed, although I wouldn’t want to be in Jimmy’s shoes. Hopefully he knows where the money is or things are going to get bad.
-David
February 1st, 2014 at 12:03 PM
Thanks, David, but it’ll probably get bad no matter what he says. Leon doesn’t like when people mess with him.
February 1st, 2014 at 10:25 AM
An ordinary man doing an ordinary job and Jimmy making things difficult. God, this is an unfair world.
Great menace here. Bravo.
February 1st, 2014 at 12:04 PM
How’s a guy to get anything done when people like Jimmy try to take things that don’t belong to them?