I struggled with this one again, but on the plus side I wrote about 5K words total on 2 other stories this week, one seems to be the beginnings of a novel (though time will tell in the end) and the other is just a longer short story that will likely end up about 10K words total. 5000 words may not be much, but it’s better than nothing and not bad for being out of the game for 9 months.
Anyway, Friday Fictioneers story time. Thanks to Rochelle for hosting and you all for reading. Honestly, I’m not sure if this is supposed to be happy, sad, or both. You’ll understand what I mean after you read it.
Though not always specifically called out: comments, criticism, and/or half drunken rants are always encouraged.
Copyright Roger Bultot
Reunion
(100 words)
The scattered leaves reminded her of a time long gone, of love long lost. She kicked at the leaves with fond memories dancing through her head. The desire to return to those days was squelched by the reality that’d she’d never see him again, not in this life.
A single teardrop tiptoed down her cheek and plummeted to join the ballet of swirling leaves below. She closed her eyes and let his memory carry her away.
The squealing of tires ripped at the air. A smash. Splintering. Silence. She turned to see the tree, eager to take her to him.
August 15th, 2013 at 3:13 AM
A sad one from you this week - nicely done. And well done on your other writing - it must be great to be in full flow.
August 15th, 2013 at 10:13 PM
I wouldn’t say full flow. I still find myself procrastinating more than I should, but it does fee good to write.
August 15th, 2013 at 4:28 AM
Be careful what you wish for, lol 🙂
August 15th, 2013 at 10:14 PM
Indeed. Though maybe she’ll be happier there. Wherever there may be.
August 15th, 2013 at 7:10 AM
Very well-written and effective, especially the last paragraph which makes an “impact.” You might want to think about changing the word “dancing” as fond memories dancing in one’s head sounds positive and upbeat. Maybe “lingering.”
August 15th, 2013 at 10:17 PM
I see what you did there.
Thanks for the suggestion, but I prefer dancing as the memories she keeps of him are positive and upbeat and she tends to cherish them more than she should.
August 15th, 2013 at 1:56 PM
Well done, darling. A very strong outing. Congrats on your budding novel!
August 15th, 2013 at 10:28 PM
Thaks, but don’t congratulate me yet. There is still plenty of time for the idea to fizzle and die as I get further into the story. haha
August 15th, 2013 at 4:29 PM
I love the language used in this, and really happy for you that your projects are going well. 🙂
August 15th, 2013 at 10:30 PM
Thanks. 🙂
August 16th, 2013 at 8:20 AM
You managed to convey the impact of the crash - from whimsical romantic descriptions to a short, sharp, clipped sentence;
The squealing of tires ripped at the air. A smash. Splintering. Silence.
A great flash. We must be careful what we wish for!
August 19th, 2013 at 9:39 PM
Wishes granted can be worse than wishes not granted. That’s for sure.
August 16th, 2013 at 11:43 AM
Dear Adam,
A lot of emotion and irony in this piece. I feel a little like I did at the end of “Somewhere in Time”. I felt sad and happy at the same time when he died at the end to be with her.
One little nitpick, and maybe it’s just me, but “a tear tiptoed down her cheek” just felt awkward and un-tear-like. I realize that trickle is overused but…
Good story nonetheless.
Shalom,
Rochelle
August 19th, 2013 at 9:43 PM
Your nitpick is certainly valid, but I find that descriptions that are unlike the usual actions of an object sometimes make the best descriptions. In this case the teardrop was sneaking away from her without her even realizing it, thus tiptoeing down her cheek. Maybe I’m thinking too far outside the box though.
August 19th, 2013 at 1:11 PM
wonderfully written. such great descriptions 🙂
August 19th, 2013 at 9:44 PM
Thank you kindly. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
August 20th, 2013 at 7:33 PM
Very good.