I’m being evicted… from the house I own.

The scammers are coming at me from all angles lately. I wonder if that means I’m finally becoming someone important. Surely they wouldn’t waste their time on a nobody, right? I finally hit the big time, ma!

Last night I got a call from “Penelec” (our local energy company) on my cell phone… a number they don’t even have on file. I didn’t answer it, but the robot on the other end told me in a voicemail that I had to call them to take care of an urgent matter. Calling them back must have slipped my mind because it never happened.

Today I got this email:

Urgent notice of eviction,

We have to inform you about the eviction
proceedings against
you and the decision of the bank to foreclose on your
property.
As a trespasser you need to move out until 25 March 2014
and
leave the property empty of your belongings and any trash.
Please contact our
office without delay to make arrangements for a move out.
If you do not do
this, you could be simply locked out of your home.

Detailed bank
statement as well as our contact information can be found in the attachment to
this notice.
Real estate agency,
Lisa Tailor

I don’t know about you, but when someone doesn’t even bother to make up a fake business name I die a little inside. They signed it “Real estate agency” for Christ’s sake. At least they bothered with a real name, but c’mon, put some effort it into it, you lazy scumbag.

Technically I don’t own my house yet. Technically speaking, the bank owns my house until I pay it off (in 7 more years if all goes according to plan… which it rarely ever does.) A real estate agency has nothing to do with it.

Sorry Mr. (or Ms.) Scammer. I wasn’t stupid enough to download your attachment. Better luck with giving me a virus or stealing my account information (or both) next time around. Until then, go screw yourself. Then get a real job and become a useful member of society instead of a useless tick. You, sir (or madam), are a form of life lower than pond scum. You should really do something to change that.

About Adam Ickes

Adam Ickes is a writer who has made a home in central Pennsylvania with his wife and daughter. He is obsessed with releasing the horrors in his mind on an unsuspecting world. His stories live and fester in the twisted confines of his imagination before demanding to be released from their prison, usually at gunpoint. ... Follow Adam on Twitter ... Join Adam's Mailing List ... Find Adam on Amazon View all posts by Adam Ickes

28 responses to “I’m being evicted… from the house I own.

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